On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
