I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
