You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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