I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
please come you make the beer taste better
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
