so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
