and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
