We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
