he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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