I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
