i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
