i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
wanna go halves on a baby?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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