Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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