then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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