It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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