I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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