This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
