please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
