I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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