Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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