I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
