from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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