she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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