I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
