So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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