i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
