hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
