Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
