When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
