We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
