38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
