i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
