she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
