Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
