cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
