3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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