watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There r osticjed everywhere
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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