Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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