that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
there is glitter all over my balls
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