so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
