dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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