hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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