he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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