i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
