Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.

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(630): View more from Illinois

wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?

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(561): View more from Florida

i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag

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(716): View more from New York

I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.

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(519): View more from Ontario

How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?

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(206): View more from Washington

There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"

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