the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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