You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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