I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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