3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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