I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
