my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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