she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
