this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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