She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
