ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
