nut hugger
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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